Gentleman start your packing, the countdown to Le Mans 2003 has started.
 
 Sharpie here to start the build up to our little trip to the great yearly racing mecca, and gee you bu##ers up.  I see the order of the day this year is armoured 4 wheel drive and sensible vehicles as opposed to TVR Griff and Scooby Doo B4's !  I take it with war looming this is the reason. All terrain vehicles that will carry our essntial fighting tools; Swiss army knives, stock pots the size of gun turrets to feed a division and stale fairy cakes hard as Gordan and stale enough to challenge even the Republican Guard.  And if that fails we will send a few sausages as cooked by our very own Ainsley Harriot, Gordon.  These will be cooked in the usual Gordy cordon blue style – the recipe can be found on ceefax or for those without a TV as followed:

        1.                 remove sausage from warm cool box containing the leftover beers

CV's

Name: Stephen Chappell
Nickname: Boris
Age: 31 3/4
Hometown: Leighton Buzzard
Distinguishing Features: U571 Mercedes
Beer Consumption: To quote Homer ³Mmmmmm Beer²
Le Mans moment: Discovering Chilli/Curry and G&T
Chariot or Co-driver: Chariot
Years of service: A Decade (Christ that sounds a long time) Who's the daddy?

Name: Philip 'I ca never get up in the morning' Shaw
Nickname: Young Phil
Age: 27 going on 17 though aged prematurely by Mr Paulings driving...
Hometown: Guildford
Distinguishing Features: Lager in hand at all times...except when 'resting'
Beer Consumption: Semi-professional
Le Mans moment: sheer terror/disbelief as rear of a 911
approaches at 140mph...
Chariot or Co-driver: White knuckled passenger
Years of service: 1

Name: Jules Chappell
Nickname: Mother Hen
Age: 35
Hometown: Leighton Buzzard
Distinguishing Features: Balding (not as bald as Sharpie) but fantastic
looking
Beer Consumption: Diminishing the older I get
Le Mans moment: Driving through Houx Annexe in a Rover 420!
Chariot or Co-driver: Normally the chariot driver. A good impression of a
slow Ben Hur!
Years of service: 9

Name: Steely
Nickname: Dwimper
Age: 26
Hometown: Monte Carlo
Distinguishing Features: very small needs step ladder to reach bar
Beer Consumption: Keep it coming
Le Mans moment: Crashing head first into a german driven bumper car
without having a car of my own
Chariot or Co-driver: Noddy car
Years of service: 9
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Name: Andy Wright
Nickname: Sharpie
Age: 34
Hometown: Chipping Norton
Distinguishing Features: Good looks but balding and a country bumpkin accent
Beer Consumption: Been known to have a few
Le Mans moment: As the co driver going through a red light avoiding vehicles left and right at VERY high speed due to Nick not watching for red lights.
As driver trying to take out french peasant on dual carriage when he got in my way. I was driving a transit at the time!
Chariot or Co-driver: Been known to 'drive' but more often than not co-driver.
Years of service: 8

Name: Darren Pauling
Nickname: Floyd
Age: 38 and a bit..
Hometown: Guildford
Distinguishing Features: Nice shorts and Al Capone complection
Beer Consumption: Well Rounded Consumate Professional
Le Mans moment: Complete belief in the ability of the B4's brakes to prevent
parking in the rear of said 911, honestly
Chariot or Co-driver: Many time Chariot driver but did suffer a trip in a bloody Ford Fiesta one year.
Years of service: Nine (same as Dwimper now as he dwimped out in 2002!)

Name: Richard Boon
Nickname: Wookie but likes to be known as Boony (surprisingly original!!!)
Age: 37 (looks young)
Hometown: The Planet Argos
Distinguishing Features: Tall with Smelly Feet !
Beer Consumption: I loose count after about 4 (3 cokes and a single gin and tonic!)
Le Mans moment: Holds the record for the fastest journey ever to le mans. Never since permitted to drive. The vehicle (Rover 214i, can now be seen in the Le Mans museum)
Chariot or Co-driver: Holds the record for the fastest journey ever to le mans. Never since permitted to drive. The vehicle (Rover 214i, can now be seen in the Le Mans museum)
Years of service: 8

Name: Nick
Nickname: Nick I no longer have a TVR
Age: looks 35 ish
Hometown: Epsom (the Beirut of Surrey)
Distinguishing Features: Dramatic loss of hair in last 3 years. Next year the beergutometer features--Nick watch out!
Beer Consumption: Pathetic
Le Mans moment: Driving wifes Toyota through set of lights on red and claiming not to have seen them. Getting locked out of the campsite for hmmm 4 hours! (Still it did lead to interesting drive back to Dieppe tring to make the ferry!
Chariot or Co-driver: Following Toyota incident decided to get a TVR Grif
as it was safer (yeh right!)
Years of service: about 6

Name: Reliant Robin Graham has bottled it for 2003
Nickname: Old Git 1
Age: getting on a bit but rumoured to be past 40
Hometown: Reigate (the Kabul of the South)
Distinguishing Features: Desert storm sandals
Beer Consumption: has been known to have a few and the odd whisky (BOTTLE OF!)
Le Mans moment: Playing lead guitar with the bbq (a class act as not a single drumstick was lost!)
Chariot or Co-driver: Has managed to get Lotus to the site assisted TVR and at last a Porshe
Years of service: 5 (we think)

Name: I have forgotten my passport Malcolm and bottled it for 2003 - wimp
Nickname: old git 2
Age: older than the old git 1 (see above)
Hometown: Reigate
Distinguishing Features: 70's casual wear (in current company wins the syle award..)
Beer Consumption: see old git 1
Le Mans moment: hiding at Newhaven with a little voice saying 'guess what I
have forgotten'. Amusing, not to be forgotten, nor we fear (although it would really make the whole trip) repeated!!!
Chariot or Co-driver: TVR and white van man
Years of service: believed to be 4

Name: Big Rich
Nickname: Who is that with the limp?
Age: Just out of potty training
Hometown: Trumpton
Distinguishing Features: A limp and A Team jewellery
Beer Consumption: Likes the odd jar
Le Mans moment: Failing to pull one of the tarts in the clip joint
Chariot or Co-driver: Co driver only, not old enough to drive yet
Years of service: at least 7 or more

Name: TVR Graham
Nickname: Look at that ####ing idiot drive
Age: 30ish
Hometown: Last known abode Holland
Distinguishing Features: Very strong underpants
Beer Consumption: Far more than his body can take
Le Mans moment: Feeling the need to kick the shit out of his new mates on his first trip to Le Mans in a friendly footie match, a little moment with his Tuscan and two rather large artics and bungee jumping and forgetting his keys, glasses, wallet etc. were not likely to stay in his pockets.
Chariot or Co-driver: Definitely driver (no co driver yet found willing to risk life)
Years of service: At least 5

Name: Gordan
Nickname: The sensible Gord
Age: Could be in his late 30's, perhaps early 40's? Who knows?
Hometown: Somewhere close to Milton Keynes
Distinguishing Features: Hair like a Gonk
Beer Consumption: Relentless
Le Mans moment: Attended the Ziggy Marley concert (those there will know the rest), following which, watched 6 hours of what he called close racing whilst the cars were led around the track by the safety car. Returned to the camp site in the morning, wafted a sausage across the flame of the bar b q, pronounced it cooked and carried about his business.
Chariot or Co-driver: Co driver only
Years of service: Not sure, about 7 but wimped off to get married one year

Name: Gareth Meade
Nickname: Garth or Garfy
Age: Not too old but still young enough.
Hometown: Northampton
Distinguishing Features: Tall, dark, trendy with buck teeth and constant rash.
Beer Consumption: Anything as long as its beer, none of this girly wine stuff.
Le Mans moment:
Chariot or Co-driver: 18 blokes in one paddling pool, also relieved that when the more cultured guys got out there Hawian shirts, Yetti didnt go for his skirts and blouses. Passenger in Swedish torpedo that overtook the Subaru and TVR at something over the 100 that I would not open my eyes for.
Years of service: 1st year with you guys but second time as was there in 88 when the jags were victorious.

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Name: David Clunky - another one who has bottled it for 2003
Nickname: Chunky
Age: Old enough to be your Grandfather
Hometown: Northampton
Distinguishing Features: A fag in one hand and a beer in the other or a beer in both hands.
Beer Consumption: Gallons
Le Mans moment: Seeing Nick get sprayed by Steves beer.
Chariot or Co-driver: Also in the Swedish torpedo.
Years of service: Just the 1

Name: Chris Yates - Get me out of here I'm a ponse - bottled for 2003
Nickname: Yeti
Age: Younger than I look
Hometown: Dartford but then realised what a great town Northampton was so living there now.
Distinguishing Features: Likes wearing womens clothes especially my own size 11 high heels.
Beer Consumption: Not bothered as long as theres plenty of it.
Le Mans moment: Making the TVR eat my dust.
Chariot or Co-driver: Driver of super nutter turbo diesel Volvo.
Years of service: 1

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